It’s one of those Mondays. Cloudy outside and in my heart. Who do I call when my heart is cloudy and I desperately need a break from the office? Nope. Not Ghostbusters. Corissa! Corissa and Lorinda were on their way to Carl’s Junior which I have never had in all of my 22.9 years…their commercials just gross me out. So Corissa grabbed me a chicken sandwich and we met up at her office. As I was walking up Main Street, I noticed that there was a substantial rise in the number of weirdies out and about today. I wish I had my camera with me but I realize that it is probably best that I didn’t. So here is the pictureless version of what I experienced. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
A very tall, robust man wearing a blue button up shirt with a pen in the shirt pocket and slacks that were a few inches too short was walking towards me with a very short, slight man wearing all black with chains, piercings and tattoos yelling, “That is so messed up!” over and over.
A woman in her late 40s wearing a skirt and blouse with a floral scarf was staring at the ground, with one eyebrow raised, as she walked more intently than I’ve ever seen anyone stare before. I think she must have lost her diamond earring and she was probably retracing her steps.
Then I saw the news guy from channel 2 getting some lunch at the hot dog stand on the corner. This made me feel very prideful. Whenever I walk past corner food stands (unless it is hot chocolate) I think to myself, “I would never eat there because I don’t want to die of food poising and I am above that.” But if it’s good enough for the news man shouldn’t it be good enough for me?
After devouring my first Carl’s Jr. chicken sandwich and enjoying an enlightening conversation, I slowly returned to my place of employment. When I walked outside, the world smelled like a junior high PE locker room.
The Robin’s Nest (or The Bird’s Nest as I prefer to call it) is my favorite place to eat downtown. It is so unfortunate that the cashier man who looks like Uncle Jessie and AC Slater morphed calls me sweetheart every time I order. Anyway…that’s beside the point. As I passed the Robin’s Nest, wishing that I had eaten a delicious chicken salad sandwich instead of the heart attack in a bag that I had just consumed, Jessie Slater came outside for a cigarette break with Waldo. Of Where’s Waldo fame. So if anyone asks you where Waldo is today, you can tell them that he is in Salt Lake City on the corner of 300 S. and Main Street.
8 comments:
I wish you had had your camera, too!
"had had"? Even though It guess it's correct, it's always weird to write the same word in a row on purpose.
Very descriptive writing. Who needs a camera when you can describe it so clearly. I have my own picture now. By the way, when are you writing me that book again? Oh, and by the way, remember that if Corissa is ever not available and you have a cloudy heart you can always give me a call too. I have a flashlight that I can lend you.
wasn't that heart attack in a bag good though?
Trust me, my friend, if you HAVE to die of food poisoning, do it by eating one of the delicious hot dogs from the hot dog man on the corner. Just the spectacle alone of watching him prepare the dog is worth the $1.50 or whatever it costs to get one. Ask anyone. Seriously.
And I'm so sorry that it was a genuine Monday for you. You totally deserved the Robin's nest.
haha! weird things always happen to you downtown. i love it. can i have a french fry?
I hope you did not eat at the Carl's Junior downtown--I think it's around 300 south. That place is the scary gathering point for crazy people--I know that because we went there one night and there was a special table reserved for a cop--that was his post, guarding Carl's Junior from crazies. He probably does CPR on heart attack victims, too. Anyway, where is this Robin's Nest? It sounds intriguing.
hahahha the last line of this post brings me great joy. i literally laughed out loud. bravo, shaman. want to have lunch tomorrow? i'll text you, but in case you get this first... :) no heart attacks in a bag required! i'm leaning toward the hot dog stand.
I love weird people on the streets. That is probably one of the top 5 reasons I live in New York.
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