The male perspective

The following is an email I received yesterday from a male viewer regarding this weeks episode of...you guessed it: the bachelor. It makes me so happy. Enjoy!

So I just read your most recent blog post and noticed you mentioned something about one of the bachelorettes having a birthday during the episode. Did that come up during the episode or did you find some scoop online? Just wondering because I watched the whole episode and don't remember anything about a birthday. You would think if it was someones birthday, that person would bring it up. Maybe it was one of those unimportant birthdays like 28 or 32, because certainly if it was her 30th birthday, she would at least mention it to someone. Because a 30th birthday is a big deal, and should be talked about a lot. I mean, generally birthdays are important, but the 30th birthday would be very important. Or maybe the producers just edited it out, because if it was someone's birthday, surely she would have at least mentioned it to Brad or the other bachelorettes, just to make sure they were aware it was her birthday, lest anyone forget. Then again, perhaps she just was being modest and didn't want to draw too much attention to herself by repeating over and over again that it was her birthday, because that would just come across as immature and desperate. That must be why I didn't see any mention about a birthday, let alone a 30th birthday. (You will notice I have now mentioned the word birthday 14 times, which apparently is about only 1/10th of the amount the word should be uttered by someone celebrating their 30th birthday.)

Also, apparently after 50 seasons of the Bachelor(ette)/Pad, they are all out of good date ideas. So let's skip cliche or boring and move straight into creepy. Because there is no better way to begin a healthy relationship then having a guy turn onto a dark dirt road in the woods on the first date and tell his date to get out and walk into the unknown with him. Not to mention I cannot imagine anything more lame than two adults going on a date to a carnival where no one else bothered to show up. At least it wasn't the same girl that ate four slices of onion pizza, because the ride on the twirly-whirl could have ended much differently.

And when you have a room of 100 dresses to choose from and you're trying to impress a guy, definitely pick the ugliest/most boring of the bunch. At least we had an appearance by Train. And it was refreshing to see them perform on tv and play something other than Soul Sister.

As far as how the show ends, I'd give it the following odds:

20% chance Brad dies before the finale and is found lying on the ground with two puncture wounds to his neck after some one-on-one time with vampire girl.
25% chance Brad dies before the finale with a knife stuck in his back. The episode of Castle starts early, and when Castle and Beckett arive on the scene, in addition to the knife, they find a him clenching a rose in his teeth and notice a discarded Starbucks cup nearby. Forensic analysis of the knife reveals it had just been used to slice turkey. Suspiciously, Utah girl had just been eliminated from the competition.
35% chance he proposes to a girl named Ashley or Chantel, and she accepts.
15% chance the producers have rigged it so that the last girl standing is under contractual obligation to turn down his offer of marriage at the end, revealing that this whole season was their attempt to get back at Brad for ruining their franchising by not picking someone at the end.
5% the light comes on in his head again and he realizes that this is a stupid way to find a wife, and rejects both of the final two women, forcing him to flee to Peru and live in disguise the rest of his life.